SELF SUCKING & THE BIRTH OF DATING RULES (PART 4 - FINAL)

I would like to say that I purposefully edited out the horrible details that could make your balls and titties dry up and fall off. My past dates are my burden to bear. These men taught me about prescreening. The following rules have saved me a lot of time and pain over the last few years, so I hope they help you as well.

Dating Rules from the Book of Colby:

1. When meeting a date off the Internet you must see at least five different well-lit pictures from all different angles prior to the date.

2. On a first date, you should meet him/her at the public location and split the bill. Make it a public location, because no one wants to go hiking on a first date and end up on a mountain with a crazy person! Split the bill so that no one leaves feeling screwed if it goes poorly.

3. Put your best foot forward and represent yourself well. A first date could turn into more, so you should look your best, and be the most enjoyable you. No one wants to hear about exes, dead people, addictions and/or lost jobs. Those are what we call in the dating industry as “turn-offs”.

4. Be aware of your limits going into the date, and be confident in what you are comfortable with.

5. Be aware of what you are getting yourself into. For instance, when you are asked over to watch a movie, that can be translated as “Come over and f*ck.” It is as simple as that! (It also applies to going over to “watch TV”.)

6. You know your type, so don’t go on pity dates, and don’t “give people a chance”. Why do that to yourself? Stick to your guns bitches!

These are a few of my basic dating rules. These work for me, but we are all different.

To conclude this lovely tale, please do some soul-searching and know what you want. You can say one thing and want another, so figure your sh*t out. This will help yourself and those you date. If you want a marriage, don’t give up the sex to everyone. (Though it can be fun!) It doesn’t get you any closer to walking down the aisle. If you want easy sex, don’t say you want “love” just to get your pickle tickled. That ends up hurting others, and I don’t think any of us sets out to be a blatant douche-bag assh*le! If you are honest and communicate well, there will never be dating drama. Above all, strive for the happiness and balance that we all deserve. Oh and … stay away from the LA Guys, Pesos and John Does of the dating world. They have crooked paths to travel, so let them figure out things for themselves. Strive for better!