PART 1
To quote the gifted “musician” Britney
Spears on dating, "I don't understand the whole dating thing. I know right
off the bat if I'm interested in someone, and I don't want them to waste their
money on me and take me out to eat if I know I'm not interested in that
person." (Please imagine this, like
I did, with her trailer trash I f*cked my cousin country accent.)
Ok, let’s be real ... I am sure that there are many things Ms. Spears doesn't quite understand. (To quote Milli Vanilli, "Girl you know it's true.") And really ... how much could a Big Gulp and a bag of Flammin' Hot Cheetos really set this guy back? ($2.65 to be exact. Classy lady!) If it was my bank account with no prenup, my biggest concern would be getting my radar checked, because we all know K-Fed made it past the first date. (Fire yo' damn body guard!)
With that being said, the trailer trash is 100% correct about knowing right away. We all know if the person is worth our time, or isn't, right off the bat. I am not talking about love at first sight and all the bullsh*t. Love at first sight is just the desire to bump nasties. It’s LUST! (I ain't going to lie, bumping can be hot!) I am talking about the gut instinct that we should all listen to more often. If Cray-Cray Brit knows what's up, we all should be able to get it.
I admit that I too have fallen victim to the ninja's of the dating world. A dating ninja looks and acts like Price Charming in the beginning, that act soon fades and he becomes your very own K-Fed. (Fat golfing picture K-Fed and not hot backup dancer K-Fed!) The dating world has landmines right and left, and you have to get smart about how you maneuver through the battlefield of single life. The wrong guy can suck you dry! (And, not in the good way. Okaaaay!)
After moving to Los Angeles, I went on a ton of dates. (I'm that hot ... or is it slutty?) I wanted to meet people and experience my new environment. There was so much to do, so much to see and so many men in a brand-new dating pool. (I swan-dived the f*ck in! I was like a moist towelette!) Was I selective enough? No! Did I end the dates when I realized I wasn't into the shmuck? No! What the f*ck you say!? (Or, to quote my Mother's new texting phrase ... "WTF?". Disturbing ... Right?) I could have saved myself a lot of time and awkward moments through screening my mutha' fuckin' dates, but why didn't I you ask? Well, I didn't have rules in place, or the experience to guide me in the dating world. A lot has changed since then, and I am preaching the Book of Colby!
I want my fans (Chuck in Wichita) to get the full Colby dating experience, so I would like to share the three worst dates I have experienced here in the fine land of Los Angeles. These dates forced me to construct rules for how I went about dating. Trust when I say that I think we should all do what makes us happy and comfortable, but we should also use some common f*ckin' sense. Happy doesn't always mean healthy.
Ok, let’s be real ... I am sure that there are many things Ms. Spears doesn't quite understand. (To quote Milli Vanilli, "Girl you know it's true.") And really ... how much could a Big Gulp and a bag of Flammin' Hot Cheetos really set this guy back? ($2.65 to be exact. Classy lady!) If it was my bank account with no prenup, my biggest concern would be getting my radar checked, because we all know K-Fed made it past the first date. (Fire yo' damn body guard!)
With that being said, the trailer trash is 100% correct about knowing right away. We all know if the person is worth our time, or isn't, right off the bat. I am not talking about love at first sight and all the bullsh*t. Love at first sight is just the desire to bump nasties. It’s LUST! (I ain't going to lie, bumping can be hot!) I am talking about the gut instinct that we should all listen to more often. If Cray-Cray Brit knows what's up, we all should be able to get it.
I admit that I too have fallen victim to the ninja's of the dating world. A dating ninja looks and acts like Price Charming in the beginning, that act soon fades and he becomes your very own K-Fed. (Fat golfing picture K-Fed and not hot backup dancer K-Fed!) The dating world has landmines right and left, and you have to get smart about how you maneuver through the battlefield of single life. The wrong guy can suck you dry! (And, not in the good way. Okaaaay!)
After moving to Los Angeles, I went on a ton of dates. (I'm that hot ... or is it slutty?) I wanted to meet people and experience my new environment. There was so much to do, so much to see and so many men in a brand-new dating pool. (I swan-dived the f*ck in! I was like a moist towelette!) Was I selective enough? No! Did I end the dates when I realized I wasn't into the shmuck? No! What the f*ck you say!? (Or, to quote my Mother's new texting phrase ... "WTF?". Disturbing ... Right?) I could have saved myself a lot of time and awkward moments through screening my mutha' fuckin' dates, but why didn't I you ask? Well, I didn't have rules in place, or the experience to guide me in the dating world. A lot has changed since then, and I am preaching the Book of Colby!
I want my fans (Chuck in Wichita) to get the full Colby dating experience, so I would like to share the three worst dates I have experienced here in the fine land of Los Angeles. These dates forced me to construct rules for how I went about dating. Trust when I say that I think we should all do what makes us happy and comfortable, but we should also use some common f*ckin' sense. Happy doesn't always mean healthy.
MORE TO COME ...
No comments:
Post a Comment