Final Part (3): FUCK QUASIMOTO … I WANT MY DAMN UNICORN!
The Chameleon
My only Chameleon was a
wonderful guy. I will refer to him as “M.” M was a nice guy. He was great on
paper and was very cute. After a few weeks, I realized M had started to talk to
my friends on the side, was eating how I was eating (the Raw Food lifestyle),
and was complimenting me all of the time. He was changing to be what he thought
I wanted him to be. He was acting like me, and I am not into dating myself.
The Chameleon is similar to
the Puppy Dog, but he doesn’t know how to be himself when dating. He doesn’t
want to screw anything up, and combining this with low self-esteem, he molds
himself into a reflection of the other person. He doesn’t want to make waves
and upset the person he is dating because that could bring an end to the
relationship.
This trickster is the most
difficult to spot because it takes some time to notice these changes. Once you
do, you may be able to talk to him about the situation and encourage him to
move in a direction that would allow him to be himself. If he is open enough
and mature enough, things could change and be salvaged. Be aware that this can
also backfire into some “Single White Female” sh*t. In my opinion, give
a little nudge, but see how he reacts, and most likely you move on.
The Unicorn
Like I said in the
beginning, I don’t believe in the idea of one perfect match in your lifetime. I
believe you will meet a few amazing loves (if you are a lucky lady), and
each will bring joy to your life. The Unicorn is “Mr. Perfect.” These men are
Gerard Butler in, “P.S. I Love You.” (He ruined me for any other man.)
The Unicorn will bring you laughter, happiness, affection and found memories.
You will learn a great deal in these types of relationships. The Unicorn
embodies the full package and should be held onto and experienced to the
fullest.
In my life I have had
several amazing boyfriends. Looking back I cannot say I was in “True Love,”
and these men were not my mystical Unicorn, but I know they are, or will be,
someone else’s perfect match.
You will know-I hope this is
true-him when you find him, so keep your eyes and hearts open. These men are
few and far between.
So, be careful out there. In
the movies there are relationships like in “Revolutionary Road,” “Sleeping With
the Enemy” and “American Psycho.” Those are the kind of relationships that we
want to avoid. Those end negatively and most of the time we get jacked up
physically and emotionally while in them. (Gurl, if you remember little
Julia running for her d*mn life … shooot.) Then we see movies like
“Titanic” and “Pretty Woman” and we fall in love with the idea of “true love.”
We are ready to brave sinking ships while working as a prostitute just to meet
the man of our dreams. (I loved me some Leo, but f*ck that, I am letting
goooo and jumping into a heated blanket on a life boat. Okaaay?)
When on a date, trust your
instincts and take care of yourself. Why waste your time with the wrong one,
just to have someone in your life? Move on and keep your eyes forward so that
you don’t miss what is coming down the road. There are plenty of fish in the
sea, as they say, but you have to be selective about what you keep and what you
throw back. There are a lot more puffer-fish, bottom-dwellers, eels and sharks
compared to the lovely dolphins. Learn how to tell the difference quickly.
If this doesn’t make you
think about dating in a different way, let me leave you with a little piece of
information I was going to leave out. There is a sixth man on the dating scene.
He is … The Creeper. I have seen more Creepers in my time then any other kind.
Luckily, it is rare to end up on an actual date with a Creeper, but if you do,
get the f*ck out! One of my favorite Creeper stories was when an older man came
up to me with a drink at a club. I saw him coming and I tried to play it cool.
He said to me, “I brought this over to you.” I was svelte, 22 and new on the
scene. This was normal, but I was not going to take some Ruffie on the Rocks
from this sex offender-looking Creeper. I told him I didn’t drink and tried to
get my friends’ attention. He then said, “You’re cute. You remind me of my
nephew.” (Eeew!) Oh yes, ladies, he sure did. I didn’t say a word, but I
sure did walk away. The Creeper is an opportunistic lowlife who will pay for
it, if the ruffies don’t work on guys like me.
Use you head. Be prepared to
take care of business. Trust your gut. If you do those things, then you will be
fine. Happy dating!
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