Colby Talks Cheating - 1st "Ask Colby"

Good Morning and Happy Friday!

So, I asked, and I received my first question from a friend in need. 

Question (Edited to preserve privacy.): 

I think my boyfriend cheated on me, what should I do?

Colby Says:

This is never an easy question to answer or to advise on, because, for most of us, the rational button gets turned off when in this situation. So, breath and keep reading.

First off, you "think" he is cheating on you, but if you don't know for sure don't get all worked up. The only way to find out, without sneaking around yourself, or jumping to drastic measures, is to ask him. Asking him, once you are ready, is the only rational thing you can do. Don't make someone "wrong" on a hunch, because it will poison the waters.

 Don't install software on his computer to find out. Don't follow him and play "Where's Waldo?" around town. Don't start talking to too many friends of yours, because the gossip that comes from that could ruin your relationship completely. (We all know that gossipy bitches love drama.) Pick a time, if you truly think that something has happened, and talk to him. But, if you ARE in a relationship that makes you feel required to take drastic measures to find the answers, then you don't trust this person to be honest when asked, so you may just want to move on from this union altogether.

Secondly, before you confront him, think it over. If he were to confirm that he has cheated, how would you react? What do you want to do about it? What do you want to know and what do you NOT want to know? Is this relationship the "real deal" and do you want to preserve it?

I have an ex-boyfriend, who never cheated on me, but taught me, unknown to him, to not ask questions I may not want to hear the answers to. Just because we want to ask the questions, does not mean we are ready for the answers, so that is why I suggest thinking through the possible outcomes. This type of question can rock the relationship boat, so be ready, because either way, cheating or no cheating, you are in for a long conversation. 

Remember that just because someone cheats, doesn't mean you have to brake up. You have to ask him the question, and then evaluate the answers. If you love him and TRULY believe he loves you, then you get to decide if you want to remain in the relationship. 

I think that many people follow the formula that if someone cheats then you dump them ... after some dramatics. YOU get to make your choices and YOU both get to shape the modern relationship you share. So, ask the questions you need to know, and  then determine that whatever you decide is the healthy decision for yourself. 

You need to take care of yourself emotionally, mentally and physically. Make sure that, whatever your decision is it is the healthiest option for you, because no one deserves to feel sad, depressed or disrespected, and no one should be put into any physical dangers that could result from a partners "side activities."

So, again, think it over, and then approach him. Will there be tears? Maybe, but leave all of the hair pulling, yelling and straight-up drama to the lovely people on Jerry Springer. You deserve the type of relationship you desire and that you are comfortable with, so don't settle for anything else. Loving someone doesn't mean that you have to stay with them, if it is not healthy for you.

I wish you the best and hope all works out.