LOVING MYSELF...NOT IN THE USUAL WAY! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ME!

Good Day! I have been dropping the ball with my "blogging," but today seemed like an appropriate day to write something up.

Today I am 35 years old. So, on 1978 the world was forever changed, because I was born. That goes for each day that any of us joined the world. 

Also, on February 14, 1978 Texas Instruments patented the first "micro on a chip." (That was the only other big headline besides the birth of Colby Christopher, that I could find.)

So, today is a big day for me. I am in a great place. I spent the morning doing some cardio, grabbing coffee, having a dance party around my apartment, and meditating. I also looked in the mirror and really looked at myself. I didn't allow myself to look and critique, as I usually do, but I did look, and thank my body and thought positively about myself.

I realized that I have known myself for 35 years, and there is so much more to discover. I thought about it, and the little mole on my thigh has been with me 35 years. The chickenpox scar on my right forearm has been there for about 29 years. The callus on my right finger has been there since I started writing in my unusual way.

I am thankful for my body that has gone from infant to 35 year old man. I am thankful for the family and friends in my life that show me such love and support. I am thankful for overcoming the obstacles I have faced in my life.   

I am thankful that I am still kickin' and ready to take on another 35+ years. I have big plans, and now is the time to really make it happen. 

I love you Colby Christopher and Happy Birthday! I am glad you have stuck around to see this day. :)

Happy Colbytine's Day To Us All!

COMING OUT AS 34!!

For a long time I have fought getting older, and have had an issue admitting that I am no longer 21. 

Let's be real ... I may not look it, but I am going to be 35 on Colby-Tine's Day! (February 14th)

The big 3-5, and I am OK with it. I would rather age with grace, and look good for my age, then turn into a 40 year old "twink" that fights getting older.

I am proud of who I am, and I am no longer going to go around telling everyone I am 29. LOL.

So, I am coming out as mid-thirties!

THE YEAR OF CREATION - 2013

I don't know about you, but every year I make "New Years Resolutions," and they last for about one week. (Maybe a little longer, if they don't take much effort.)

This year, after much thought and the proper steps, I am making this year about "Creation." What that means to me, is my own little secret, but this year will be the start of a new path for Colby.  

Let's be real, I have made many claims and declarations, but they all amount to about...well, not much. I need to start practicing what I preach, and I need to step up or shut the fuck up. I am taking off the party hat, because the Pity Party is over. 

The biggest obstacle for me, all my life maybe, is that I put things in boxes. If I don't fit into the box that I think is the most appropriate, then I lose it. This year, all of the rules and boxes are going out the front door, because I have wasted enough time being stuck.

Life is about living, so I should make good on that. I want to laugh more. I want to smile more. I want to be more kind. I want to love more. The person that I have not loved enough, is myself. I am about to hit the big 35 (Don't hate, I look 25 LOL), and the one relationship in my life that has experienced the biggest ups and downs, has been the relationship I have with myself. We all need to love ourselves more, so I am asking myself out to coffee. 

The saying, "In order to love someone else, you have to love yourself first," has never felt so real. I have experienced lows in my life, that I couldn't have seen coming, nor could I have controlled them, but I have also experienced joy. When the joy has come knocking, I always find some way to shut it out. When the joy and love knocks again...I want to be ready, and dressed for the occasion. 

So, 2013 and 35...here I am. Let's do this!

THE WORLD IS SAD & WHAT'S NEXT?

I woke up this morning, and I grabbed my journal. I am not a writer and I am NOT a poet, but I had to write something. 

I see the news, almost daily anymore, and there is so much tragedy, and I can't process it. I also learned of a friend's passing, and I can't process that. 

I can only imagine what the loved ones of those the world has lost are going through and feeling. I don't pray, but they are on my thoughts, and I wish them peace.

QUESTIONS

This morning I woke up, and I remembered that you are gone.

How can that be?

Where did you go?

I didn’t get a chance to say good-bye.

This morning I woke up, and I had so many questions.

Why did this happen?

What could I have done?

I didn’t know that yesterday would be our last day together. 

This morning I woke up, and I realized that I was all cried out.

What do I do now?

How do I go forward?

I won’t have the chance to hug you before you go to sleep. 

This morning I woke up, and I stepped into a new life.

What am I to do?

Where am I supposed to go?

I don’t want to do this alone, and I want answers to my questions. 

Tonight I am going to get into bed, and I will still have questions.

What happens next?

Will I ever see you again?

I don’t want to hurt anymore, but the hurt reminds me that you were real. 

Tonight I am going to go to sleep, and I hope you join me in a dream.

Can you tell me if you are safe?

Can you tell me if there is something after this life?

I don’t think I’m as strong as you are, and the questions haunt me.

Tomorrow I will wake up, and you will still be gone.

Did you know that I loved you?

Were you happy?

I won’t let myself melt away, because tomorrow I live for you. 

I will live for us both.

I AM MAKING A DECLARATION!!

I know that my passion is making people laugh and entertaining people, and I love creating other people. 

I must go back to pursuing what I came here to do!

Now...let's see what I come up with...

WHAT IF I DON'T WAKE UP "ME" NEXT TIME?

Last night I had a dream that I woke up with facial paralysis after my incident with the blood clots. 

In reality I did not have facial paralysis. One side was some what numb for a few months, and my sensation when touching things with my fingers was diminished, but I woke up ME. I was a some what broken version, but it was still me. I still remember most of my time recuperating, and all of the things that were said to me, done to me, etc.  

Once in a while I have a dream, like last night, and it reminds me that maybe next time, since they can't tell me what triggered it, I won't wake up ME. 

This brings up questions that only I can answer for myself. What would I do? How would life go on? Who would stay by my side if it was that severe? 

I hope I never have to find out. I woke up "Me," but something doesn't feel the same. I know that this journey is not over, and I know one day I will face it again, but for the time being I am working out what I need to work out. 

I am on a journey to find Me and what I am suppose to do in this world.

BLEEDING AND READY FOR CHANGE...

This is what happens when a person is on blood thinners, and their shoes cut into the back of their ankles after a 10 minute walk.

I am sick of the path life has taken me on the last 2 years, so I think I need to take control of things, and show life how it's done.

I have my "To Do" list and I am ready to start checking. Finding my bliss is one of the items, and I intend on getting there.